Time to Reprioritize Yourself
Licensed therapist Robyn Alagona on why midlife is the moment many women start choosing themselves.
Recently, I was describing my menopause experience to a younger friend.
I paused for a moment, trying to find the words that could actually capture what this transition feels like.
And what came out surprised even me:
“I just don’t care as much anymore.”
She looked at me, completely confused.
“What do you mean?”
I thought about it for a second.
“The things I used to ruminate about… the things that used to take up so much space in my mind—stress, overthinking, spiraling—they’ve just… lost some of their power.”
She smiled.
“That sounds amazing.”
And honestly?
It kind of is.
Something Is Shifting
There’s something I’m seeing more and more—in my life, and in my work as a therapist.
Women in midlife are starting to shift.
Not in a loud, dramatic way.
But in a quieter, more internal way.
A soft but steady release of the pressure to:
hold everything together
take care of everyone
anticipate everyone else’s needs before their own
And in its place?
Something unfamiliar begins to emerge:
Space.
Time.
Bandwidth.
The Return to Self
As estrogen shifts, something else often shifts with it.
That lifelong pull to put everyone else first… begins to loosen.
At the same time, life is changing.
Children grow up.
Roles evolve.
The intensity of constant caregiving starts to shift.
And for many women, something opens up that hasn’t existed in decades:
The possibility of having something that is just yours.
Not tied to:
parenting
partnership
caretaking
productivity
Just yours.
What That Space Makes Room For
When that space opens—even a little—it can feel both expansive and unfamiliar.
Suddenly, there’s room for:
hobbies you once loved (or never explored)
deeper friendships
time alone without guilt
tending to your mental and physical health
reconnecting with your body
experiencing joy that isn’t attached to anyone else’s needs
And while that sounds freeing… it can also feel disorienting.
The Complexity No One Talks About
Because this shift isn’t just relief.
It’s layered.
It can hold:
excitement and fear
freedom and grief
curiosity and uncertainty
There can be grief for who you were.
For the version of yourself who held everything together for so long.
And at the same time, there’s curiosity about who you’re becoming.
Why This Can Feel So Hard
In my psychotherapy practice, I spend a lot of time helping women navigate this exact moment.
Because even when the opportunity is there—to prioritize yourself—it doesn’t always feel easy.
For many women, it can feel:
uncomfortable
unfamiliar
even wrong
After years—often decades—of caregiving, your identity has been shaped around being needed.
So when that begins to shift, it’s not just about time.
It’s about identity.
This Season Is an Invitation
But this stage of life also offers something many women have never truly had:
Permission.
Permission to put yourself first—not as a reaction, not as a last resort—but as a way of living.
If that feels appealing… and also overwhelming, or unclear where to even begin…
You’re not alone.
Start Here
First—pause.
Take a few slow, deep breaths.
(Yes, really.)
Then give yourself a little space to get honest.
Grab a journal and start exploring what’s coming up for you.
You might begin with:
What does it feel like to imagine prioritizing myself?
What emotions come up when I think about my own joy?
What relationships am I worried this might impact—and why?
What feels like it’s standing in the way?
What else is surfacing?
Let yourself be curious, not judgmental.
And Then… Let Yourself Imagine
Once you have a little more clarity…
Let yourself dream.
Not in a big, overwhelming way.
But in small, honest ways.
What would it look like to spend your time in a way that centers you?
What would feel nourishing?
What would feel like yours?
This Is the Shift
Midlife isn’t just about change.
It’s about return.
A return to yourself.
And while that can feel unfamiliar…
It can also be the beginning of something deeply grounding, freeing, and entirely your own.
About the Author
Robyn is a licensed marriage and family therapist (MFT) who works with women navigating identity, relationships, and life transitions. Her work focuses on helping women reconnect with themselves, build emotional clarity, and create lives that feel aligned—not just expected.
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